For the Love of a Good Fight

I'm not sure exactly what makes me like watching Vee pick a fight. I kind of wonder if it's my awareness that this is the twilight years of my toddler parenthood. Next month GrantC will be 5 and in the fall Vee and I will be all alone together. Just me for her to argue with and growl at. I feel that sadness, that empty-nestishness, that moms feel when they're babies are growing up too fast.

Baby Plankton is the best. I realize in some small part of my shrinking brain that I shouldn't find pleasure in her naughtiness. I know that it's only going to ruin her and teach her that naughtiness is funny, but she's just so blasted cute to me. I almost wish I could love her just a little bit less. Or love her enough to be harder on her and punish her more often.


I think my weakness for her is heightened by these last 2 being so close together. Having the first three spread out so far gave me plenty of time to appreciate the stages that each one was going through. Now, it feels like an avalanche, like it's all cascading so fast that I can't even catch my breath. That, and the fact that if I didn't find pleasure in VeeVee's nasty side, then it would be kinda hard to like her at all.

That's not true. She has a delightful side too, but that need to make Grant scream is just so dominant.

It's the look on her face when she's deliberately irritating him that I can't resist. I KNOW, it's got to be the 2nd child in me. I know exactly how she's feeling. I know that utter pleasure that comes from having full control over your older siblings emotions, that "Tell me it makes you angry"ness that us younger sisters like to wield over those bossy older's heads. We get it from years of having to wait, having to be told what to do, having them rub their olderness in our faces.

That, and she's the baaaaaby and is going to be spoiled rotten and I may just pay for it years down the road. I love that little Plankton baby.

Thank you for the therapy session tonight. I'm sure Becky is so happy to hear that I only refused to turn off the bedroom light or hold my farts in because of my own inner frustration. That, and a really bad stubborn evil streak.