Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Our Job Here Is Done

Avery has FINALLY learned how to cross her eyes. It's pretty awesome. She also likes to cross her eyes and then reach for things, miss them, and laugh. So cute.

This video is made even more awesomer by Grant running around in the background trying to sell his dinner. I wasn't really paying attention until the end, when I told him to sit down and he said he was busy selling his dinner. Weird kids, I don't know where they get it.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Oh My Stomach

Chris just said "Heyheyhey, babe, I've got a great idea! Let's take Morgan, Kaila, and my mom to see Paranormal Activity!"...

Oh, the visual. The screaming. The LOUD praying. The scripture quoting. And Kaila's infamous California-Adventure-Ferris-Wheel-Death-Scream "WE'REGONNADIE WE'REGONNADIE WE'REGONNADIE!!!!!!!!" Although, the Death Scream will not be nearly as funny since it's not on a FERRIS WHEEL *death scream*, albeit a FERRIS WHEEL *death scream* with the following warning "The sliding cars are not for anyone with a fear of heights or falling". Thinking back on that day, I now realize that we might have wanted to heed that warning, but if we had, then we would not have experienced one of my favorite memories of all time. One that never fails to make me laugh. One that I quote every chance I get. One that had tears streaming silently down my cheeks, because in one of my greatest parenting moments ever, I was laughing so hard that I wasn't even making any sound, and was laughing THAT HARD at my terrified child.

Which is exactly why I think that we SHOULD take Morgan, Kaila, and Grandma Kelley to the movie about demonic haunting. Possibly the most terrifying subject ever. Because who knows what epic memories we could create? It's pretty much guaranteed to be unforgettable.

Just this morning the neighbor girl commented on how hard it is raining today and Morgan quickly reassured her that Don't worry! God promised that He would never flood the entire earth again!" You could pretty much fill in the unspoken I'M NOT SCARED, I'M FINE, THIS IS JUST SOME RAIN, WE'RE NOT GOING TO ALL DROWN, NOPE, GOD PROMISED. I'M OK. I'M OK. I'M OK So, I'm thinking that an absolutely terrifying, way worse than any blood & guts slasher flick, demon movie should bring some fascinating results. Possibly permanent damage, but isn't making memories always a risk?

In case you haven't seen the previews, the same preview that Chris heard about on the radio, and had to come home and turn on the tv to Penguins of Madagascar and hold himself and drown out the terror with some funny little cartoon arctic birds to try to get the RADIO AD out of his head and he still hasn't seen the TV trailer, I have posted it here for you enjoyment. Here ya go...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday Flashback

I spent all evening looking through bins of photos for a specific one of Chris that I wanted to use for today's Friday Flashback. I never did find it, so here are my alternate choices. Both Halloween inspired.
Kenzie in the orange witch hat, Danielle W in the white wig, and Kourtney as the little kitten. I love you, Kourtney!

Me and the big girls when they weren't the big girls yet. I don't know the year. It's in our old house and the rooms weren't painted yet, so I'm thinking 2000 or 2001.

Absolutely Terrifying

Kenzie got her license...Um, congrats? Great job? I don't really know what to say here. Thanks for running to the store for me last night. That was nice and I'm sure I'll come to love you being a driver. Eventually.

Monday, October 12, 2009

No Bueno

I'm calling Nickelodeon. I have a complaint. My kids can say a multitude of things in Spanish and they have no use for it. What we need here in Vancouver is "Go, Dimitri, Go". That would be useful to us. Teach me how to say hello in Russian, will ya?

Happy Birthday Chris!

For the hubby's birthday this weekend I used Jenny to my advantage again and through her connections was able to take him to a nice hotel on Friday night. Also, thanks to my teenagers who are old enough to stay home with the littles.

I used my normal brilliant planning techniques and scheduled family pictures for the same afternoon. But I planned the location to be 45 minutes south of our house. On a Friday. See, that way we could hit rush hour trafic 4 times. First we hit it heading south on I-5 as we came into Portland. Then we got through Portland and hit the traffic of people LEAVING Portland, then, on our way home, we got to do it all over again. AND we got to do all this while trying to get our kids home and settled only to turn right back around and head back INTO Portland to surprise him with our big night away. I know. I'm awesome.

It was nice, really, to add that extra bit of tension to the always fun annual family picture event. I'm going to come right out and admit that when we arrived 30+ minutes late I realized that I had forgotten to bring a hairbrush (to make certain kids long hair look less stringy) and that I may have forgotten someone's underwear. Someone in a dress. And I forgot that the dress another kid was wearing never stays buttoned. And it buttons all down the back. So those strangers who didn't get a crotch shot from one child, got to see a child who appeared to be in the middle of disrobing.

Also, to prepare for our big night out, I had turned myself a nice shade of orange. He likes that in a woman. Who am I to deny him his birthday request? So, there we are all lined up to record for our posterity the Berg family in 2009, and we've got stringy hair, missing panties, and a mom who looks like she fell asleep in a tanning bed. Or eats alot of carrots. And yells alot. Mostly at the dad.

I'm so grateful for Photoshop.

Based on the previews I got from JenniferLynn, things should look great. She even assured me that there are things she can do to whiten me up a bit. Phew.

We did finally get to go on our date. We checked in downtown and walked over to the Newport Bay that sits down on the river. We ate from the $3 appetizer menu upstairs in the bar and managed to spend less than $15! Then we stayed up way too late watching a movie. We tried to sleep in, but it didn't work out, so we spent the morning watching those Dateline murder mystery shows. It was pretty awesome. It wasn't awesome looking at the white sheets and seeing my tan all over them. Ewww. Sorry, maid person, I hope that comes out for ya.

Here's our only picture from the night...

While we were running around getting ready for pictures and I'm all I TOLD YOU TO FIND WHITE TIGHTS!!! and WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR WHITE SHOES DON'T FIT? and the 2 youngest were like Hey! Mom's distracted. SWEET! and they plopped their non-underwear wearing butts down, grabbed the Costco pack of toilet paper from the upstairs linen closet,and sat there unwrapping each roll, throwing them gleefully over the balcony. Then they ran downstairs and stomped on every roll, so they're all flat. I could have moved them to get a picture of us heading out for our hot date, but I thought they added a dose of reality to the moment.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Who doesn't love a good wedding? (this post was started in August)

Jenny let me be her photographer's assistant for a wedding at The Grande Lodge in Forest Grove. I really wanted to go because a) I thought it would be a blast to hang with the photographer at a wedding (and I was totally right) and b) I always wanted to live there when we were kids.

It used to be the Masonic Lodge Retirement Home and we would drive by it once in awhile. It sits back off the highway on beautiful grounds and looked like a cross between the White House and a castle to me.

The wedding was pretty cool. We got a kick out of trying to count all the tattoos. Interesting assortment of characters in that bunch of folks, I tell ya. I got hit on AND invited to smoke weeeeed with the groomsmen. I did NOT take them up on that offer. Instead I drove to Fred Meyer and bought a Diet Dr Pepper because that's how I party, yo. And because McMenamin's selection of soda SUCKS and The Grande Lodge is a McMenamin's property now.

I had a great time. The flower girl loved me and got me to take lots and lots of pictures of her. I would never stay in their rooms again because they have the whole "group bathroom" set up and I'm not a fan of that. I'm also not a big fan of no tv in the room. I'm also not a fan of no air conditioning in August. If all of these things sound like I didn't love it, I did. Just not as a place to spend the night. Other than that, I highly recommend it. I also highly recommend that Jenny let me assist again.

This may seem like a re-post, but I swear it's not. It's brand new. Just now.

Grant let me know a little bit ago that he's sorry, Mom, but I missed the toilet. Nothing new to see here, folks. He's a man child. He misses the bowl.

I didn't even look up. Just said Ok, buddy, better luck next time.

He misses the bowl, but not by much, you know? You all have husbands and/or sons, you TOTALLY know what I'm talking about. Don't deny it. A little goes flying the wrong way before they get things under control. It's most likely somewhere ON the toilet. Usually the seat.

A few minutes later, Avery yelled PEEPEEPOOPOOH!!! Which you aunties know from overhearing it hundreds of times on the phone means that she's running for the toilet. Again, nothing new, go ahead, baby girl, I'm on my way in to supervise and wipe your bum when you're done. Feel free to get started without me.

Then there was a horrible head-hitting-hardwood sound and that moment of silence while they catch their breath in order to scream REALLY REALLY LOUD and you're convinced that there will be blood involved and probably an ambulance.

I did find her flat on her back. Poor baby. No blood. Just a sea of pee. The whole bathroom and some of the hall. I have NO idea how long he had been saving that one up, but it was remarkable. Her whole back was soaked. I could barely get her clothes off of her, they were so wet. The traumatic fall also caused her own bladder to release it's load, so there was that contributing factor to take into account, but it was mostly the boy's.

It leads me back to that ever present parenting question...How do you even get someone clean ENOUGH after something like that? Bleach bath? Scalding shower? Alcohol rub down?

I'm gonna go with old faithful. Ignore it. She'll get bathed EVENTUALLY, and chances are that she'll just do something equally gross between then and now anyway. Why rush these things?