Sunday, November 30, 2008


Michael Buble's Christmas album. Almost puts me over the edge. The good kind of edge, not the bad kind. He's a little slice of heaven in my ears.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Our Thanksgiving Day Menu

I never did call and make my offerings for Thanksgiving dinner. Nobody ever called me either.

Yesterday I started thinking that maybe we should get that all figured out. Being that it was the day before Thanksgiving and all. Then I got an email from Mom listing what she was providing and suggesting that we bring anything that we thought was missing from the list.
The list was everything. Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, pies, sides, finger food, beverages, rolls, everything.

Leanna speculated that perhaps Mom was angry that we hadn't planned. Maybe in her anger she decided to just get everything herself in hopes that we'd feel guilty. While that is possible, I'm not going down the road of guilt. I'm thinking that Mom, being the anti-decision maker that she is, didn't want to worry about dividing up all of the responsibilities, so she just took care of it. That's what I believe. Mom, don't tell me if Leanna's theory was right, I like mine better.

Instead of contributing in any REAL way, I decided to bring lots of snacks. Thanks to a friend blogging about her AMAZING annual tradition and how much it means to her TEN children, I felt a Mom of the Year moment coming on and decided to follow her Chex Mix lead. I spent hours trying to make Chex mix after reading that lovely, warm, blog post of hers. My Chex mix sucks. It's not even Chex MIX. It's just Chex and pretzels cooked with the seasonings. I couldn't find any bagel chips or little snacky type things, so it's just Chex and pretzels and the flavoring isn't even really evenly distributed, so one bite is all Worcestershire and the next bite is all cereal.

I also kept the oldest two up after midnight helping me make almond rocha and fake snickers. Those things did turn out ok, so we've got that going for us.

Here's what my children do with the camera when they eat too much pumpkin pie and candy and stay up way to late...

I refuse to post the picture of what I looked like trying to jump off of the couch. Gravity is just so cruel. My face and my upper arms stayed right where they were while the rest of my body elevated a good six inches into the air. It was ugly.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Five things I'm thankful for

We had our turkey here today. Tomorrow we go to my parents. Friday we go to his mom's house. While I was hiding from my children in my bedroom my oldest came up with this idea to surprise me: She recruited the second one and they made a body outline of each kid and wrote the things that that child is thankful for around them. How awesome is that?

They "presented" their artwork while we finished eating dinner. As you can tell by Vee's severely handicapped picture, she wouldn't hold still for them. I do believe that they could have done a less warped version, but who am I to criticize art.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

And Then There Were...a whole lot of pictures of the play

Kiki's Handiwork

Here's her poster for the play. She made it all by herself. She even overcame the challenge of her siblings crushing the paper before she got started. And her brother having yet another "pants optional" day. She overcame that.

The Bounty of the Bergs

I decided that the chickens might prefer to stay dry. I figured that putting a tarp over their roof might improve the poor bird's chances of not getting rained on. While I was at it I found these little babies: Our first eggs! Since then we have had one each afternoon. Chris and I were so excited that we stood in the hen house and watched one for way too long while it tried to pop one out. It was gross. Gross but intriguing. Their little tail feathers really clench in and out when their trying to lay those little suckers.
Grant cried and cried when I told him that there is no baby chick chick in those eggs. That there will never be any baby chick chicks in any of our eggs. I had no idea that my boy has just been waiting for those chickens to lay eggs so that he would have baby chicks. I felt a little sad, but not sad enough to change it.
I've been trying to figure out at what point that one egg each day is going to start covering the cost of all of their food. I'm pretty sure I'm going to need more than one egg a day to make this venture profitable.

Freaky Arms

Look at what Mo's arms look like when she holds them straight out. That's not her elbow, that's just what they are shaped like.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Happy Birthday Mom!

Have a great birthday. We'll see you on thursday!

Friday, November 21, 2008

It's been a rough week around here

The play started last night and Kiki was amazing. She hit all of her lines. The the plot is very suspenseful and dramatic, but she was perfect with her emotion and screaming. I loved it. I'm very very proud of her and impressed with her abilities.

That being said, you all know how my sweet sweet first born perfect in all ways child handles stress, right? Not well. Not well at all. It looks a little like this..Not a little. A LOT. I've never been so careful to hide all dangerous objects in my house before now. Pray for me. Pray for all of us.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


JenniferLynn Photography did more great pictures of our family on Friday. She came out and put up with tired kids and waited while I threw together some clothes for everyone that didn't look horrible together.

To tied you over until you see the amazingness of my family on "film" I now bring you the outtakes.

Here we are getting set for our first shot. I think maybe Kai is running after one of the garbage bags that blew away. Chris is trying to get into a seated position. Kiki is freezing, as usual. Super turd is trying to look at my boobs. Wait, where's Vee? Maybe Kaikai was running to get the Vee. I'm desperately trying to make my shirt not so tight on my jelly roll. Now look at Mo. She cracks me up. We could take ten hundred pictures in a row and she would be smiling perfectly in every one of them. She's practically a super model, but without that annoying coke habit.To break up the scream crying episodes I told everyone to grab some leaves and throw them in the air. I didn't realize that they had already started decomposing and we would all end up covered in compost. It was real gross, I totally should have showered after that one. Have I mentioned that Chris has announced that he does NOT agree with my theory that wearing makeup only on date nights makes it more special? He claims that everyday is special and making some effort wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Whatever.

I also didn't realize that Kiki and my hot husband had conspired to freeze their most obnoxious smiles (and that's saying a lot). Check them out. They barely move in every frame. By the way, that's another great think about the photographer, she shoots a million pictures in succession so as to increase the chances of one coming out without one of my progeny picking their nose, such as therefore.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Statement from the First Presidency of the Church

Since the people of California voted to reaffirm the sanctity of traditional marriage between a man and a woman on November 4, 2008, places of worship have been targeted by opponents of Proposition 8 with demonstrations and, in some cases, vandalism. People of faith have been intimidated for simply exercising their democratic rights. These are not actions that are worthy of the democratic ideals of our nation. The end of a free and fair election should not be the beginning of a hostile response in America.

The Church is keenly aware of the differences of opinion on this difficult and sensitive matter. The reasons for this principled stand in defense of marriage have already been articulated elsewhere. However, some of what we have seen since Californians voted to pass Proposition 8 has been deeply disappointing.

Attacks on churches and intimidation of people of faith have no place in civil discourse over controversial issues. People of faith have a democratic right to express their views in the public square without fear of reprisal. Efforts to force citizens out of public discussion should be deplored by people of goodwill everywhere.

We call upon those who have honest disagreements on this issue to urge restraint upon the extreme actions of a few that are further polarizing our communities and urge them to act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility towards each other.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Great gift, Aunt Leanna

I'm not even being sarcastic, this is really fun. Today was the first day dry enough to use it and they LOVED it.

Don't mind all the stuff on my deck. It's just garbage.

Drinky Drinky is in the hospital

She just completed her 3rd or 4th round of rehab less than two weeks ago.

After drinking all night last night at her crazy dad's house he found her this morning barely alive. She's at the hospital on a ventilator and has not regained consciousness as of yet.

I hope and pray that this will be a wake up call for her, and a huge kick in the arse for her stupid drunk father.

Remember that Whopper?

VeeVee just came to me eating an Oreo. I don't even buy Oreos.

An email from my husband

I love when an email joke is so me:

HER DIARY:Tonight: I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY: Missed a big deer today, but at least I got laid

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A Whole New Meaning to Street of Dreams

Jenny will remember this story.

A few summers ago we headed to a Street of Dreams type home show with Jenny. Grant was a baby turd and wasn't excited to be there. He got too fussy and Chris took him out to a large grassy area in front of this street of homes. Jenny and I continued touring and taking pictures of ideas for things to spend money on in our own homes.

Look at how fat my baby boy is. He looks like he had peanut allergy and we just fed him a pb&j. Wow. That's my baby whale and my husband with really horrible hair. When Jenny and I got to the top of the stairs in this house:

See the little window above the front porch? When we got to THAT window at the top of the stairs, I looked out across the street to check on Chris and my baby beluga whale.

I will always regret not having the camera ready at that moment. What I saw was my husband standing with my son strapped securely to his chest in the baby Bjorn. Kneeling in front of him was a woman. I could only see her back. Not even her whole back, just her back from the waist up because SHE WAS KNEELING AND RUBBING HIS CROTCH. Kneeling and rubbing his crotch. My husband's crotch. Vigorously rubbing my husband's crotch. I thought maybe I was seeing wrong. I believe I asked Jenny to verify what I saw. She did. The look on his face was one that I've never seen before or since. It was a mix of horror/surprise/gratitude/confusion/fear.

We continued our tour and when we exited, you'll be shocked to know that I sprinted across that street to see WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THATS HOLY IN DESIGNER DECORATED HOUSES was going on with that woman. She wasn't even asian. He didn't even look good. I know he's funny, but how much funny can you squeeze in to 10 minutes?

He still had that look on his face when I got there. When I got to his aid to defend him from the Handy Whore I realized that he was covered from the waist down is fecal matter. Baby Whale had a diaper blow out while in the baby front pack. It was something to behold. Poop everywhere. He had felt the warmth down the front of his man area and reached down to see why it felt suspiciously like he had wet himself. When he realized what had happened he asked a nearby mom looking person if she had any baby wipes. She saw the green mess down his front and ran over with her baby wipes and started cleaning him up. She was super helpful, that one. Just a rubbing and a scrubbing until he was all cleaned up good.

I didn't get a chance to really see what she looked like. When Jenny asked him if she was good looking he was all Not at first, but she just kept getting more attractive the longer she rubbed. Very nice, babe, very nice.

The Magic continues

I have put my project on hold. The one where I'm writing a remake of "If I Were a Carpenter and You Were My Lady". That's on hold. I am now pursuing a new work of musical geniousness. It's a song about my children. It's working title is "What Happens in Their Heads?" and it is inspired by my son climbing to the top of my pantry and dumping and entire bag of bulk chocolate chips.

I'm considering throwing in some background sounds of hitting and slapping.

Maybe a chorus of "MOMOMOMOMOM Ineedyouneedyouneedyou MomMomMom"

I'll let you know how it goes.

Monday, November 10, 2008

How, oh How, did I miss this one?

Did you notice that Mo is the primary offender in the creative clothing department? Here she is in our family picture on Grant's blessing day. Sporting her pink snow boots, y'all. Always the trendsetter, that one. I think it bugs Becky because she feels threatened by Mo's awesomeness. She knows she could never have the edgy fashion sense that my daughter was born with.

Here's the stuff I cropped out. Yeah, I'm huge. My baby was a week old, after all. My excuse for weighing that much again today? I've got nothing. Lots and lots of ice cream before bed is my only explanation.