Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Email Forwards

Every day I get forwarded emails from my aunt and uncle. I read all of them, agree with 99.9% of them, and forward many of them. But every once in a while there is one so good that I have to post it. Here is one of those....

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good Grief, look how smart I am!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Before the day is over...Happy 5th Birthday, Grant!

Happy Birthday to my little Grant man. I love you! I can't believe you're five already. The last few months you have been working on your manners. It's super cute. You will run to find me and tell me that Morgan just kept annoying me and I ignored her, mom, instead of getting mad! Isn't that a good job? It IS a good job. So are your super enthusiastic thank yous. You're a very grateful little dude and generally very happy.

We haven't had a "party" or a "cake" yet, because Kai wasn't home, but we did have sundays tonight and you were VERY excited about that.

Just didn't want the whole day to pass without acknowledging your big day.I love you little dude!

Why I Love My Blog

Just had a great time looking back at Kai's last few birthday posts Here and here. It's so super cute to look at these same girls and realize what little babies they were and how much they've grown up. Thanks, blog, for saving these memories for me!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

a few more from the party...

Loved these signs all over the house!Very proud of my Studio 13 sign I ran upstairs and made as people were arriving. Thank you Cricut machine! The cake...

And a few pictures of the other daughters...

Too sexy for my comfort level.

My MoMo...

I was flipping through all of these pictures after Jenny left. She took a bunch in a row of Morgan. I'm clicking..Morgan...clicking...Morgan...clicking....more Morgan. And then BAM! This one pops up. Scared the garbage out of me! Yikes, kid! I swear she's cute in person!

Hahahaha!!!! I laugh until I cry every time I look at it. And then I just cry.

America's Next Top 13 year old

In typical Amy Planning Mode, Kaila and I threw together her birthday party pretty last minute. Her original plan was "Nerd Night", but I wasn't quite sure what we were going to do with that. It evolved into a spa party and from there into a makeover party. Then -cue the choir of angels- Jenny agreed to come play with us. And so it was born...America's Next Top Model party of the year!

The girls arrived at various times, so we warmed up with a little Apples to Apples while we waited.

Then we dug into the cake. Maybe my best one yet. I wasn't sure about it, but the girls have all booked me for their birthday cakes, so I guess it wasn't so bad.

Then it was time for the makeovers!!!! More fun for mom and aunt or for the girls? Probably for us. It was extra much fun because they're so young and willing to trust us. Silly girls.
Here's Kai's mug-shot/before picture.

The girlies getting ready... Big sister helping out...
Mom teasing the heck of the hair... Workin' it....

Kai and Rei waiting for their spin on the catwalk...
The whole gang. I'm not posting anymore pictures of the attendees because I feel creepy posting a bunch of pics of other people's kids, but I had to throw this one on...

And here's a whole bunch more. Have I mentioned that I'm a Sepia whore? It's true. I can't get enough of sepia, and Kai just looks so go in it. I went back and added some color ones to this post because I realized I hadn't and I felt kinda stupid. Hope you like em! It was an amazing party. And the girls each got an 8x10 glossy of themselves to take home.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Friday Flashback

Today's Friday Flashback comes to you in the form of a guilt trip.

Dear Leanna, I want you to look back at your blog two years ago and think how happy you are to have captured those memories forever. Don't let another day slip away that Emery will look back at and wonder why you didn't love her as much as the other two. Why you never blogged about her big moments or adorable happenings. Don't you even care about her feelings? Please start blogging to save your baby's self esteem. But, really, to give me stuff to read. The end.

Look at those little babies!!! They grow up so fast. Capture the memories and share them with us. BTW...I've blogged more times today than you have this month.

Poor Em.

Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy. Does that include craft related sales?

Just got my email ad for a big Michaels sale. It's 4 Hour's Only! Sunday, March 21st 4-8PM!!!


Then I noticed below where it says "Except in Utah, where it will be on Saturday March 20th". That's awesome. Do they know their market or what?

I wonder if I could get special exception sale prices on Saturday if I show them my temple recommend. I should look into that. Otherwise, it's just not fair. Not fair AND they're missing out on lots of money. They should change their policy. I see it as a win-win.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Love it

Jenny used the word Glittercrotchie in casual conversation today. Fantastic.

When will she learn her lesson? (hopefully NEVER)

Jenny let me have my niece for a few hours again today. Suckerrrrr.

No injuries today, just some good ol' fashion mud wrestling (but said as wrassling. didn't know how to spell that). In the creek. In the only clothes she brought. Man, those two little turds had a blast playing in the creek and Jenny, always the trooper, just laughed and shook her head and asked her if she had fun. We threw them in the tub, loaned her some clothes, and all was well. All except her shoes, which still run brown every time I put them under the faucet. The lining in those super cute shoes may never really be clean again. Good times, good times.


"It's not real, Mom, it's just FakeBelieve."

This deal saves me in more ways than one

Being a little, oh, hit and miss, at blogging this last year sucks now that I have nothing to print for last year's scrapbook. The blog makes all that so much easier for me. Luckily, I found a link to a website for a free photobook that syncs up to Facebook. So, I was able to log in, choose which pictures (including captions or not) I wanted to include. I didn't have to download any software, either. I usually spend days and days on a digital scrapbook, even when it's straight off of the blog. This book took me no time. None. It was super easy and I can't wait to see the book.

I just went to Pixable.com, ordered the 8x5.5 softsided book, and entered the code FREEPIX at checkout. I only paid the 2.99 shipping and handling. Really fantastic process AND cost.

I'll let you know what I think of it when in comes. In the mean time, you guys should hurry and use this code while it lasts. Even if the book is cheesy, it's still 3 bucks, ya know?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Top Ten Battles Royale

In no particular order, due to lack of time:

1. It's 11:05PM and I start crying and announce that it's because Chris doesn't love Mackenzie. I do this several nights in a row and our first marital rule is established. The "Amy isn't allowed to talk after 11pm" rule. It still stands.

2. Chris got drunk at MY company Christmas party at MY bosses house and spent the entire time hitting on MY bosses wife. Classyyyy. Then spent the next day denying that he was drunk and that he hit on her. This was pretty much a routine for awhile.

3. I'm SURE I've blogged this one before, but it's one of my all time favs. Chris's friend, Brian, had a girlfriend. His girlfriend was asian. His girlfriend was a semi-retired stripper"dancer". His girlfriend was also a hairdresser out of their home. She was Chris's hairdresser. Then, one day, we stopped by Brian's work to say hello. Brian asked me if Chris had mentioned "the show" he had gotten during his haircut, when she showed him the recent surgical enhancements she had gotten done. Brian saw my face, realized right away that Chris had NOT told me, said Oops, and we drove off. I never said a word. Chris never said a word. The next day we went to Costco and bought a set of clippers and I started cutting his hair. You know it's a good fight when no words are needed.

4. Um, do I spill ALL my secrets on here? Cuz here's another repeat goody. I was post-partum and my in-laws were here to meet the baby. I wasn't doing great "emotionally". Chris got all freaky weird about his mom being here and me not being happy and thought she was going to take it personally. She and John went to Red Robin to get dinner for us one night and after they handed me my Teriyaki Chicken Burger, Chris whispered to me that I needed to smile more. I threw the burger at him, cursed at him, and ran upstairs crying. It was an ugly night.

5. I'm going to have to wrap this up with number 5, or I'm going to be in the middle of number 6, if you know what I mean...

Our greatest fight of all time, you guessed it, SEASIDE BATTLE ROYALE. I can't recall the details well enough to do it justice, but I'll try. We had just gotten parked to walk around Seaside when one of our kids announced that she had to go potty. This would be an announcement made every 15 minutes if not nipped in the bud, so I answered, as always "You can wait, you just went", which would have been fine, but Chris wouldn't have that and rushed her into the nearest fast food place to pee. So annoying even now. Especially because that made me the bad guy and him the hero, something both worked on since then. From there, the rest of us started walking, letting him know that we'd meet on the main drag. We waited and waited and couldn't find them. He walked around and around and couldn't find us. We were both primed and ready to go, but not in a sexy way, in a fighting way. We started yelling at each other like those people we used to call 911 on when we lived in the rental house. It was a weekend and it was crowded and everybody gathered around, just like in Junior High during a fight, and people started placing bets on who would win and chanting "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT" and somebody squirted gatorade in my mouth and toweled my brow (I think it was Jeff). After Chris fell from my wicked upper-cut I stormed off to the car. I was ready to go home and leave him there with the kids. Jeff wouldn't let Leanna go with me or I totally would have. I'm still mad. Everytime I have to stop at a public bathroom for him I want to kick him in the tenders.

Other than that, we're doing pretty good!

My Latest Addiction

Don't EVEN try to perform another intervention. Y'all know that it doesn't work and that I'll just get bored and move along on my own anyways. AND this is a good addiction, which reminds me, you guys gave me so much crap about blogging too much, and now I go back and read those posts that were sometimes 5 or more each day, and I love being able to recall what my family was up to, so BITE ME, I'm totally going there again. 5 a day. Yep. Gonna do it.


Craft Blogs. Can't get enough right now. Obsessed. Probably more than I was with Facebook. It's true. My favorite is Nannygoat, and she shares lots of links as well, so I just branch out from there.

Here's my new must-do project:

Card table playhouse!

There are tons of other blogs with the same thing, but different details. So fun. So cheap. Hopefully so easy.

Now prepare yourselves to see lots of pictures of the crafts I'm copying. Oooh, Jenny, will you post a picture of the binky clips? Jenny is the first gift recipient of my obsession, but I'm sure that all of you will get something that you'll feel obligated to pretend to use and love. You're welcome in advance.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Top Ten Tuesday Topic!!!!!! You know you're excited

Top Ten Fights You've Had With Your Spouse

How to make me crazy

I need a pair of plain black flip-flops (I wish they were still just thongs) for a crafty-craft and this is all I can find in aaallll the shoes we have... Two left feet, one right foot covered in huge rhinestones, and one left foot Nike one that isn't plain enough anyway. Seriously?

How to make me ovulate

Hey, Grant, do you know who's the BEST?

Who Mom? Said with that little grin that says that he knows that I'm going to say he's the best.

YOU are, buddy!

Nooo, Mom. JESUS is the best!

Watch out, Chris, my ovaries just kicked into overdrive.

Overdrive also happens to be a word Grant is using lately. Must be from a cartoon, but we'll be driving along and he'll ask me if I've "kicked it into overdrive" yet. Little dude must really want a brother with all the cute he's been pulling on me lately.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Grant Quote

Grant brought home this toy from Wendy's recently....

It's the grandma from Hoodwinked and she jumps rope when you wind her up. I didn't know why this toy was so exciting for him until he explained to me that it was...

Translation "My very own GG action figure!" I swear it was one of the cutest things I've ever heard.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I see his point

Here is a picture of my hair. Not natural, mind you (super teased for the Bon Jovi concert)...

But I'm starting to think I should have about 14 more kids and start a reality show. You should go ahead and click on the "hair" label at the bottom of the post. I was cracking myself up reading all the crap I put my hair through, feel free to crack up at me, with me.

Birth Control

We learned this week that our best abstinence enforcer would be my hair in it's natural state.

I didn't realize...neither of realized...that Chris had not seen my actual, for real, nothing in it, no hair dryer, hair-fro in all of the 10 years we've been married. He thought he knew what it looks like naturally, but he didn't. Not really. Technically, he still doesn't, because none of us know what it would look like if I grew out my color. Not only does it get dark, it also gets coarse and greasy, so even worse than it already is.

Friday was the day that I tested the real strength of his love for me. I got out of the shower. I ran a brush through my hair. I didn't put any product in it. I didn't touch my blow-dryer, my straightener, or my curling iron. I started cleaning the carpets.

He came home, looked at me, flinched in pain, and a shudder ran through his entire body.

He said that he had no idea HOW I got my hair to look like that, but to please FOR THE SAKE OF OUR MARRIAGE fix it right now.

It was that bad.

He compared it to the Duggar mom on 17 Kids and Counting, before her makeover, except way worse. See, it doesn't really curl, per say, at least not all over. There's a whole lot of frizz, especially on top, and a whole lot of what resembles straight pieces of straw sticking out of my head.

I'm thinking he'll never tease me about packing too many hair products when we go on vacation.

Originally written 1/25/2010

Grant Quote

While fighting with Daddy and being sent to his room...

Oh, so THAT'S the way it's gonna be???

Avery Quote

Mommy, you're making a present for Ashlynn, my best friend? Oh, Mom, I'm so proud of you.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Her Own Biggest Fan...it runs in the family

Sunday was the first Sunday of the month which means Fast & Testimony Meeting at church (open-mic day, as we like to call it...or Lying and Crying, as some friends call it). Mo is at that age when she really really really wants to get up and share her testimony with the congregation. That's fine. She doesn't scare me. She's generally not going to say anything embarrassing. She spends most of the hour wringing her hands, laughing her nervous laugh and rocking back and forth, all while giving herself a quiet peptalk I'm going up there...I can do this...after this speaker...ok after the next speaker...or the one after...I think I can, I think I can.

She did a great job this week. Short, sincere, very composed. We were very proud of her and as she came down to the pew (we were right up front) Chris and I both turned to her and told her what a great job she did and how wonderful it was. VeeVee took our distraction as an opportunity to slip out of the pew and make her way up front, ready to follow in Mo's footsteps and take advantage of that available microphone and that audience that, evidently, needed to hear what she had to say.

I saw her just in time to alert Chris, who sprinted for the pulpit, getting there just in time to help her with what to say. I'm still not sure what she said, but she was very pleased with herself and VERY pleased to hear all the laughs she got as the congregation watched her march confidently up there unaccompanied. Her determination and independence was adorable and something I don't think I'll ever forget.

Some people!

Sometimes I forget that not everybody has worked as hard as I have at being unencumbered by needless worrying. We haven't all spent years perfecting the 2nd child-don't give a crap-they will be stronger for it-can't I just go back to sleep now attitude. Then I talk to somebody that's all UPTIGHT about things and I'm reminded of how sorry I feel for those over protective parents.

Like today, for example. I was on the phone with Mean Sister. She had given up on wondering when I would turn up to return her child and finally called to inquire. I let her know that I hadn't really narrowed that down yet. Sometime between 10am and 10pm, not sure exactly, but DEFINITELY she would have her daughter back before tomorrow.

I think I mentioned that the kids were all playing outside and I think she maaaayyy have asked what they were doing out there....this is where it gets awkward....I, in my very honest nature, did not lie to her, even though I recognized that she MIGHT have a small problem with what I was about to disclose. They were just having a great time playing with the giant tree pruners. Loppers, I think they're called. They were just lopping away at some branches. Pruning like little miniature gardeners. It was adorable.

She made me take away their toy. She was all I would appreciate if you did not let them play with the loppers while my child is there please. But, it was clear that she was screaming on the inside ARE YOU INSANE??? WHY, OH WHY, DO I EVER LET MY DAUGHTER GO TO YOUR HOME??? IT'S AS IF I DON'T EVEN LOVE HER ENOUGH TO PROTECT HER FROM YOU!!!

Like I said, some people are so uptight. How will these children ever learn to not cut off their fingers if we never give them a chance? It's not like she's a baby. She's TWO after all. ALMOST three. Pssshh. Luckily she has me to keep her tough.

The Fine Art of Subtlety

Here were one of our sissie's Facebook posts today....

To her husband "Heff" (name changed because I'm subtle like that AND because I liked that Heff rhymes with Jeff and who doesn't like their code-name being Heff? that's just cool) : I found out why opposites attract when I met you. It's because everything I'm not, you are, and the pieces fit together perfectly.

On Bossy sissie's wall: You're never lonely when you have a sibling for a friend.

On other sissie's wall, who's usually "mean sissy", but being post-partum and all, I'll just stick with "other sissie": I'm smilin cos I'm ur sister....I'm laughin cos u can't do anythin about it!!!

All nice posts, right? A little too nice for our family, but it is the fruity sister, and we all know that she tends to be the exception to, well, everything. I'm trying not to read into what she posted on my wall. I tend to be the shrugger offer, not the reader inner, but still....

When the shit starts to fly, its usually a family member that switches the fan on............ Ha ha ha ha This was just to funny not to share


Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Tuesdays with Ashlynn or The Why Chronicles

My AshAsh is spending the night tonight. I offered to bring have her over so that her one-week-post-pardum mommy (and daddy) could have the night off...and just because it's fun for us. It was all going beautifully until we had been here for, oh, about 2 minutes.

Two things happen when Ash and I walk in my front door. First, Ash runs to my back door and goes on to the deck. Everytime. I don't know why. Just wants to play outside when she's here. Second, I run to the bathroom. I drink alot of water and have a problem using public restrooms.

Today, as she ran out the back door and I got ready to use the potty, she screamed, Morgan screamed for me, and I waddled as fast as I could to the back door while trying to pull my pants back up. I found my sweet niece at the bottom of the stairs, face first on the concrete step. Ouchy. Ugly knot on her forehead, but that's the worst of it. I did get a kick out of updating my FaceBook status to "IF your 2 year old niece were to fall down your deck stairs and land face first on the concrete, would you tell her one-week-post-partum mother or just let her read it on FB? Just wondering." That's good stuff. She was hoping it was a joke. Nope. Real.

After a quick recovery I started helping Morgan with the cleaning of the guinea pig cage. Ash was pretty curious about that whole process.

What are you doing?

Cleaning the guinea pig's cage.


To get the poop out.


Because she poops in it.


Because she has nowhere else to poop.


Because they don't make tiny little toilets for guinea pig cages.

Oh. Well...I have one. You can have it for your guinea pig.

You have a tiny little toilet for her cage?


Okay then.

I think I'll send the guinea pig over to Jenny's house to get potty trained. Sounds like Ash has all the necessary tools for that job.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Bacon Standard

We got a new Winco this week. Super exciting news for us poor folk. Especially because they had a Grand Opening Week sale. We got a circular in the mail with coupons that were good through today, and they were all things we use at really great prices.

These coupons were SO good that we totally went dumpster diving at the Post Office. Tons of people had thrown the circular away and we grabbed them up. We gave a few away, but kept at least six. We only were able to get there three times, but each time we came home with a cart full of groceries for $40. It was the most excitement we've had in a long time. It was the kind of excitement that most people only feel in Vegas. We're that pathetic. We're that cheap.

One of the coupons was for bacon. 98 cent bacon! Fantastic! The limit was 2, so we've got six packages of bacon in our freezer just waiting to become BLTs. With all this bacon in the house, it's hard to think about anything else. I didn't realize how bad it had become until tonight, when Kai described something as costing "only a dollar" and Chris responded that "HELLO! Do you even REALIZE that we could get a package of BACON for that?!?!"

He's now announced that we will be referring to the value of things not in dollars, but in the bacon equivalent. We don't follow the gold standard, we follow the bacon standard. I don't know if I should be proud or embarrassed.