Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Gross Mom Moments

The boy just came to me with no clothes on. While this in and of itself is not surprising or unusual, the fact that he had been clothed previously made me question it. Dude, where's your pants? He was like I threw them out the window, they got dirty playing outside. Mom sigh. You need to bring them inside and put them in the laundry. We have enough random clothing and dishes littering the yard, you don't need to add to it.

I didn't follow up on that. I was called away by Momo needing help on the front porch. She's learning to rollerskate and the porch is the only flat surface around. I sat down on the front step to watch and Superturd joined me. He asked for a cupcake (one of the two cakes won during saturday's cake walk, both still at my home, thanks alot Jeff). No problem, cupcake coming right up. But wait, your hands are so dirty. Son, we need to wash your hands. Look at that one, it got dirt all up the side and ALL over your whole thumb. He's was all Oh, that's just mud, Mom. That was the give away. Because I did think it was mud. Why would need to point that out unless it WASN'T mud?

The smell check confirmed what it was and an inpection of his back and leg and general butt area supported the fact that it was poop.

It turns out he had gone upstairs to use my toilet and by the time he got back down stairs he had forgotten to have me wipe him.

The part that was so gross was not knowing how long he had walked around with poop thumb. and skid mark back. We have that new brown couch. Sure, we picked it up at a garage sale last month so TECHNICALLY we don't know what all has been on it, but the point is that I can't SEE if he left any fecal matter on it. On our old cream colored couch at least I could have SEEN the evidence and rectified it. Rectified sounds like rectum, that makes me laugh. So, I don't know what all he's touched, or where he's been or how much E-Coli has just been added to my otherwise spottless home.

I asked him SON, have you been on the COUCH? He thought for a minute and scrunched his forehead up, but all he could say was I don't sink so.

I got him into the shower and handed him the bottle of Clorox bleach to scrub down with (not really, but Chris would like it if I did). Then I got him dressed again and sent him outside for his sandals. He couldn't find his sandals, but he did find a big pile of dog poop. He told me all about it. Then I had to ask him Son, did you step in the dog poop? He had to pause again and think and check the bottom of his foot, Yes, Mom, I think I did step right in the pile of poop.

I know it doesn't sound so bad, but if you could have seen the way that it was dried all on his thumb...trust me...and having to smell it to identify it. Not good.

Here's the upside: I have to clean out the chicken coop today. It really doesn't look so bad now.


jlcumber said...

see...I laughed. Gagged and laughed. it was all worth the post. thank you Amy!


funniest part of this post? when I read rectified, I TOTALLY thought, "Huhhuhuhu....rectified. sounds like rectum. huhuhuhhhu" My son thinks we're both stupid.

Tari said...

Ok, thinking the same thing over here!!! Too close to rectum....
Laughed my head off, only because I have lived this too many times!