Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Top Ten Battles Royale

In no particular order, due to lack of time:

1. It's 11:05PM and I start crying and announce that it's because Chris doesn't love Mackenzie. I do this several nights in a row and our first marital rule is established. The "Amy isn't allowed to talk after 11pm" rule. It still stands.

2. Chris got drunk at MY company Christmas party at MY bosses house and spent the entire time hitting on MY bosses wife. Classyyyy. Then spent the next day denying that he was drunk and that he hit on her. This was pretty much a routine for awhile.

3. I'm SURE I've blogged this one before, but it's one of my all time favs. Chris's friend, Brian, had a girlfriend. His girlfriend was asian. His girlfriend was a semi-retired stripper"dancer". His girlfriend was also a hairdresser out of their home. She was Chris's hairdresser. Then, one day, we stopped by Brian's work to say hello. Brian asked me if Chris had mentioned "the show" he had gotten during his haircut, when she showed him the recent surgical enhancements she had gotten done. Brian saw my face, realized right away that Chris had NOT told me, said Oops, and we drove off. I never said a word. Chris never said a word. The next day we went to Costco and bought a set of clippers and I started cutting his hair. You know it's a good fight when no words are needed.

4. Um, do I spill ALL my secrets on here? Cuz here's another repeat goody. I was post-partum and my in-laws were here to meet the baby. I wasn't doing great "emotionally". Chris got all freaky weird about his mom being here and me not being happy and thought she was going to take it personally. She and John went to Red Robin to get dinner for us one night and after they handed me my Teriyaki Chicken Burger, Chris whispered to me that I needed to smile more. I threw the burger at him, cursed at him, and ran upstairs crying. It was an ugly night.

5. I'm going to have to wrap this up with number 5, or I'm going to be in the middle of number 6, if you know what I mean...

Our greatest fight of all time, you guessed it, SEASIDE BATTLE ROYALE. I can't recall the details well enough to do it justice, but I'll try. We had just gotten parked to walk around Seaside when one of our kids announced that she had to go potty. This would be an announcement made every 15 minutes if not nipped in the bud, so I answered, as always "You can wait, you just went", which would have been fine, but Chris wouldn't have that and rushed her into the nearest fast food place to pee. So annoying even now. Especially because that made me the bad guy and him the hero, something both worked on since then. From there, the rest of us started walking, letting him know that we'd meet on the main drag. We waited and waited and couldn't find them. He walked around and around and couldn't find us. We were both primed and ready to go, but not in a sexy way, in a fighting way. We started yelling at each other like those people we used to call 911 on when we lived in the rental house. It was a weekend and it was crowded and everybody gathered around, just like in Junior High during a fight, and people started placing bets on who would win and chanting "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT" and somebody squirted gatorade in my mouth and toweled my brow (I think it was Jeff). After Chris fell from my wicked upper-cut I stormed off to the car. I was ready to go home and leave him there with the kids. Jeff wouldn't let Leanna go with me or I totally would have. I'm still mad. Everytime I have to stop at a public bathroom for him I want to kick him in the tenders.

Other than that, we're doing pretty good!



#1 should be the policy in ALL of our homes.

Sam said...

These are priceless. The whole FIGHT SO BIG NO WORDS ARE NEEDED FIGHT? Yes. That's indeed good compatibility right there!