Sickos and sickos

Superturd with a fever is something to behold. I wouldn't say he's LowGrade jr, that's Momo, she's laying around moaning, in and out of sleep, just like her father. Grant follows me around with his chubby arms in the air flapping his hands IneedyoumomIneedyoumomIneedyoumom, doing his best imitation of an actual infant. It's not so bad, I can cook, "clean" (read blogs), etc. with a forty pounder on my hip, that's in the job description. The problem is with his need to sooth himself. He does this by placing one hand directly down my shirt, where I can only assume he expects to find cleavage (sorry, men in my life, long gone with the last weaning I'm afraid). His father finds this very disturbing (the hand down the shirt thing, not the no cleavage thing...okay, that too, but not for this story). I'm immune to it after the hours of listening to Ineedyouneedyou, go ahead and grope, just do it quietly. Anyway, he did take it to a level yesterday that even disturbed me out of my mom zoning out happy place. He started patting the top of one of my shriveled bananas and said "big ones, big ones". Well, now I know he's a fully developed sicko, because he's apparently already learned to deceive with flattery to get to second base. Ewww. I'm lost in this disturbing thought when I discern that he's now saying "need little ones, mom, need little ones" and truly trying to pull my whole shirt down and get to second base for reals. Still, I'm staring... mouth open... look of horror...what is he talking about? Unfortunately, I was jolted from my shocked place by my son firmly grabbing a nipple between his chubby thumb and finger and full on pinching it he says "yeah, little ones". At least I'd figured out what "little ones" were, now what to do about my jr pervo?

Kiki brought this bug home on the 12th. High fever, headaches, cough. She also had an ear infection, so she got the coveted prescription. MoMo was next, on Friday. Then Superturd on Sunday, Kai on Tuesday. We took jr pervo to the doctor yesterday because he's waking up every 2 hours screaming, so we were hoping for something sever enough to warrant another golden ticket for antibiotics. Not that I'm big on drugs, but just please be something actually wrong, not simply being a big wuss screaming all night. He did get the meds, ear infection and red throat. I'll take it. When we got home from the urgent care, Chris dropped me and Superturd off and headed straight to the store to fill the prescription (35 dollars for something that will most likely be spit all over my face, but will at least give me hope that he's getting better). Here's where I made a terrible mistake: I told Kai that her brother needed special medicine. This gets her head in a bad place, pretty sure she's dying and we just don't care enough about her to take her in. Not realizing the error I had made, I started preparing dinner, with pervo on my hip. She then startled me out of my mom happy place by scream crying that her chin hurt so bad she might die any minute please fix it, must go to the doctor now, not later. Chin? Yes, chin. Not throat or lungs. Chin. I thought I was helping when I felt her glands and explained that her ibuprofen had worn of and her glands were swollen, causing discomfort. This didn't help, she was in serious hysterics. You have to understand, we don't go to the doctor unless we really have to. With 5 kids, you know when you need to go and when you don't. This one child in particular is sure we are negligent in this respect and sure that she should be rushed to the doctor at the first sign of an impending illness. I took my exam a step further and grabbed the flashlight. I carefully examined her throat and declared that it was just swollen tonsils, nothing to worry about, totally normal with a virus. I'd made a horrible mistake, I guess swollen tonsils are the kiss of death. At this point it was worth another 50 bucks to get the scream crier in the car and head back to the urgent care, nothing else was stopping that panic. Chris was still gone, so I left Grant with Kiki, but I figured I'd take Momo for a check while I was at it, since she's still at 102 a week into this thing. The doctor deemed Mo needful of antibiotics due to a red throat. He said Kai was fine, just a virus, ears ok, throat fine. He then said he would write her a prescription, too, to make her feel better. He said it can't hurt. I disagree. I think it feeds the "must go to the doctor, now" problem. I told him to cross his fingers that four out of five kids was all he'd need to see, since Vee was still feeling well. He said we should pray for that...and then he did, amen and everything...he was joking, he's funny like that. When we got home, Vee had a temp of 101. I guess the prayer didn't work, he must not be Mormon. KIDDING, settle down, it's a joke. He's from India or something, so he's probably not even praying right. Again, a joke, was that too far?
All I know is that from now on when one gets sick, they all must get in bed together and share cups/forks/toothbrushes until they're all sick so that we can get it over with and not drag this garbage out for a month. Wish me luck.