Thursday, February 7, 2008

Tagged

Laurianne tagged me, so here goes:


10 Random Facts About Me

(disclaimer: these random facts are, in fact, well known to those closest to me, so it will not be interesting or informative to my sisters)


1. The summer I was 18 I discovered liquid delight. I found this substance in my boyfriends kitchen cabinet. It was a brown powder that when mixed with milk became the most delicious chocolate/coconut milkshake my taste buds had ever encountered. I frequently mixed myself up a glass of this frothy goodness and took it out to lay by his pool on my lunch break. By the end of the summer I had mysteriously gained a significant amount of weight. Being 18, this was not normally an issue for me. The mystery was finally solved when my boyfriend caught me sneaking his "milkshake mix" and informed me that it was actually Weightgainer.


2. I want to be team truckers with my husband. I know that he does not in any way share my dream. I don't understand my dream, but something about it sounds very enticing.



3. Speaking of driving, when on a road trip I believe that I am "team driving" with those around me. For instance: We're cruising down I84 and I come up behind a car going about the speed that I would like to go. I set my cruise control and position myself at a safe/not obnoxious distance behind that car. More cars follow suit, and soon there are three or four cars all playing follow the leader. I think where it gets a little weird is when one of the cars in my "team" takes an exit and I get a little sad.


4. I have significantly more lust for Neil Diamond than I do for Brad Pitt. I wish my husband would come to bed in bell bottoms with a sparkly shirt unbuttoned to his navel. He won't.


5. I have had 5 trophies...I mean engagement rings. I'm not sure, but I think this fact is what lead to my family and friends creating a pool when I got engaged to Chris. Something regarding how close we would actually get to the wedding date. Tuesday is our 8 year anniversary, so suck it. I suppose that's bad for a Primary President to say. How about bite me.


6. I went through an especially bad picture phase in 8th grade. My smile was sooo bad. See,

This phase resulted in my habit of practice smiling, something that I am frequently ridiculed for. I'm not sure why the smile bothered me more than the hair, but it did.



7. The most personally significant invention of my lifetime has been Secret Clinical Strength.It costs $8, but has saved me so much more than that in embarrassing pit stains, ruined shirts, and the horror that comes when you realize that the offensive odor your smelling is actually coming from you, not a very large homeless man.



8. I had more then one teacher mistake me for a boy in grade school. For the record, the reason I didn't grow my hair out was that it gets really big before it gets long.



9. I dream of being a carpenter. My husband questions my vocational envy of the truckers and carpenters. Not very feminine, I know. I love road trips and wood, what can I say?



10. Everyone knows this one, but here it is anyway: When I was 7 or 8 months pregnant with Avery I went to Vegas with my sisters. We hit the new Red Rock Casino for their famous buffet (it sucks so bad, and it's too expensive). When we were done we stopped at Walmart for something. Jen and I waited in the car. The buffet was starting to give me serious gas and I was enjoying releasing that gas in the car for Jenny to enjoy with me. Unfortunately it wasn't just gas, something I didn't realize until it was too late. I had on white maternity pants and this was a full blow out. I had to waddle into Walmart with Jenny behind me, blocking the big brown stain on my butt. When we got into the restroom it was nearly impossible for me to clean up this huge horrible mess. Once Jenny stopped laughing her fool butt off she was kind enough to go into walmart and buy me what will always be referred to as the "poop sweats". Not the cold sweats you get when you have to poop really bad and are nowhere near a restroom. Just a pair of gray sweats to replace the pants that would remain in the Walmart bathroom garbage can. Honestly, at one point in the cleaning up process, a patron entered the bathroom, made a really gaggy noise (due to the intense odor) and immediately left. One of my prouder moments.



One last fact: I have no pride. I tell everyone everything. Aren't you glad I shared so much?

I tag anyone who reads this.

6 comments:

Sam said...

Aim:

Ok, you did it again. FULL hysterics while reading, not poop inducing, but dern funny nonetheless. I get you, sista. I know that thing when you are in a pack of cars, and someone doesn't want to play anymore. It's rude and offensive. I get ya.

S

LAYTON FAMILY said...

Sam, you really oughta come along as an honorary sista on one of our trips. You have no idea the serious pain I was in from the hysterical scream laughter over this post. Now imagine that same sceam laughing while standing in the check out line at said Walmart with Jenny, buying said sweat pants. Good times. You're officially invited by me next time we have a sisters trip.

Gina Lee said...

Okay, I confess.. I totally blog stalk you! In a friendly non- creepy way, I promise. You seriously crack me up! I love reading your blog.. I laughed so hard with this post! Thanks for sharing -Gina

Randoola said...

Amy I am crying, but they are tears of laughter. I have a new blog come find me and add me, my first blog is to you

LAYTON FAMILY said...

STILL makes me scream laugh and wet myself a little bit 2 years later.

Rebecca said...

Amy you are hilarious. I am also in tears- man I needed to laugh that hard today! I was reading through your post with the Poop chat with your friend Seth (and laughing so hard that I woke Bill up and had to share it with him), and then came to visit this post, too. HILARIOUS!!!