Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Tweaker Stole My Baby

Did you know that there is no record on of that one line from Quigley Down Under about the dingo stole her baby? None. I'm not clear on whether it was "got my baby" or "stole my baby" and whether it was a dingo or multiple dingos. I just looked it up to get my title accurate for this post and I got nothin. I might have to rent it now. This is quite a predicament, as Superturd's little friend, Liam, would say. Yeah, he's three, it's ridiculously adorable. And disturbing because Superturd just started pronouncing Yes clearly last week.

The point I was trying to make was that tweakers broke into our shop and stole some stuff. By breaking in I mean driving up to our wide open shop and loading machinery into their car and driving away. How do we know it was tweakers, you ask? Because Chris caught them. Thanks to our trusty guard chickens. By guard chickens I mean that Chris just happened to be making sure they were locked in when we got home from our hot date (mom watched the kids and they were perfect and that wasn't how I was hoping it would go, not to torcher my mother, just that they were awful all day and then good when I left. Why would they do that to me? It's mean.)

So, Mom and I were watching Little People Big World and Chris went out with the spotlight to check the chickens. That sounds alot like choke the chicken, which reminds me of a hysterical story, but I'm already getting carpel tunnel, so I'll share that one later. Right, so Chris hears a sound and swings the spotlight around to the shop and there's a tweaker lady and a tweaker dude and the lady hastily explains that they were "just neckin" and the dude blurts out "we didn't take anything, I swear, you can come check if you want to" and Chris told them to take off before he shot them both. Next morning he found a few hundred dollars of missing lawn implements and in their place was a box of Sudafed and a can of spray paint. Totally tweakers! I'm not up on my Meth knowledge enough to know if a box of Sudafed is going to get you much meth, but I'll bet you right now that they had bad teeth. That's what Chris' step sister taught us about her job in the drug fighting industry, she always looks for bad teeth. That's how they know they've got a meth head on their hands. She told me that she could tell i don't do meth. That was nice. Of course, that was before that one tooth on the side crumbled. But, hey, Leanna's missing the same tooth, so I guess we'll go to rehab together. Maybe we'll see Ms Drinkey Drink there. Oops, no we won't. She got out last Thursday and starting drinking on Friday.

On the bright side, Chris did not except their invitation to come to their vehicle and check it out. Yikes. And we were motivated to go to Home Depot, not for that perfect shade of boring, but for fencing. And possibly a dog.



Torcher? Really?

jlcumber said...

Scary! I hate it. I really really hate that story!! GET A GUN! AND A DOG AND A FENCE. An electric fence. The kids will learn not to touch it!

Lars said...

Maybe one of those invisible dog fences...but for not nice, stealing people.

anyway, I just want to say you are back in the saddle woman! That was hilarious and scary, but the hilarious, tangent-y kinda stuff that makes me laugh. Classic Amy humor. Thanks!