Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Remember when I told you Oprah is the devil? Yeah, I was right about that.

The fact that I still have a Tivo season pass on Oprah in no way reflects my feelings about her. I'm just monitoring her level of evil for research purposes. And so I don't miss my boyfriend, Dr Oz. I love that man in all of his hairy, scrubs wearing, glory. Here's the problem, a few days ago she had that Yamaka wearing guy on. The psychiatrist or counselor of some sort that she has on occasionally. I kind of like him. He's got good dimples and that calming tone that mental health professionals often possess. I love that, it's very soothy. The problem is that he was on Oprah to talk about his book "Why Men Cheat. So, I had a dilemma on my hands. Do I watch it and quite probably become even crazier? Or do I delete it and live with the mystery of Why Men Cheat, never knowing what I might have learned that may have saved me from the heartache of a cheating husband? I watched it, of course.

Here are the statistics that contributed to me driving around looking for my husband's car:
  1. 1 in 2.7 men cheat. I have 3 sisters, you do the math.
  2. The vast majority of those wives will never know. Ever.
  3. 92% of those cheating pigs said that the affair had nothing to do with their intimate situation at home. They said they felt unappreciated or insecure.

This, and the entire audience was couples in which the husband cheated on his wife but they stayed together. The only happy moment for me in the whole show was the husband who came out and said "We had a great life. Great in the bedroom. Great friends with each other. Very connected. I just made the mistake of spending too much time with a woman at work. Lunch together, projects together. pretty soon I was having an affair without even intending it to happen". This was a happy moment for me because he wasn't full of crap. He basically said he was horny and she was willing and his man parts took over his husband brain and it was wrong and stupid. I buy that way more than I buy that stuff about men needing to be admired. Blah. I worked. I got hit on. I can see why that can seem appealing. Let's just agree that lunch dates and business trips and intimate settings are not a good place for a married person to put themselves. If it can't be helped, then at least be aware of it and honest about it.

So, if it wasn't for Oprah, I wouldn't be crazy. It's not me, it's her. She's the devil.

I watched this episode 3 times to make sure I got the stats right.

And, to my 3 sisters: I'm sorry that all of your husbands will cheat. At least one of them will only cheat 70%. I want you to all cross your fingers that it's you.

Oh, yeah, one last thing. He honestly said that if you really think he's cheated and/or cheating, the best thing to do is make him take a lie detector test. For reals. I'm working on getting some phone numbers together of all the lie detector administration people in our area so that we can schedule our appointments. Maybe we can carpool.


Thayer & Associates said...

That is so wrong. And thanks but I don't think Ill be needing a ride.

jlcumber said...

I won't need a lie detector...I will need a Lawyer after I KILL him. :)

Sam said...

Aw, shit...just pack his crap and his favorite recipes and thank goodness he's out of your friggin hair. :) Blessing in disguise, I say.

I am LoW said...

So funny, I rarely watch Oprah but I saw this one.... While my husband was sitting and waiting for my 9 year old to finish her gymnastics, and it prompted me to call him and tell him I 'appreciated' him doing that.

And everytime he mentions a female work lady I ask what she looks like and usually I get, "She's old as my mother, settle down." hehe