Top Ten Tuesday - Self Love Edition

Here's my post as I had prepared it last night at 11:35:

I'm frankly surprised that Beck will agree to play along at all, since the word that is commonly used to describe loving oneself causes her great anxiety. The M word will instantly send her into the ear-covered-screaming-dry-heaving state that I experience when I hear anything from my husband about hot Asians. But, since she and Sam want to know here are my...

Top Ten Reasons to Love Myself:

1 thru 10 Michael Buble' music and a nice hairy chest.


I realized before I posted it that I should probably sleep on it. Sometimes the posts that I prepare in the late hours of the night are the ones that cause me to sit straight up in bed in the morning and run in terror to the computer. It's the same fatigue induced brain fog that used to prompt me to write angry letters to boyfriends that I would tear up in the morning. I'm so glad I thought twice about this post. It's just so tacky. Here's my for reals list:

1. I don't take things too seriously. Except any form of lying. My reaction to lying is so extreme that you'd think I've been lied to by every man that I ever dated in my whole life, causing me to suffer from sever trust issues, and causing me to be a huge pain in the arse. Oh, wait, I have and I am. But other than lying, I'm super easy going and I have a lot of faith and I can laugh at myself easily. I'm glad I got that.

2. Speaking of faith, I tend to look for the silver lining pretty quickly. Like the current impending doom that we are facing in the great country. We're all going to die of starvation, but I'm able to believe that everything happens for a reason. Starvation? I need to lose weight somehow. See what I mean?

3. I am glad that I have naturally not crooked teeth. They used to be straight, now they've got a few weird spots, but still they're pretty good and I love good teeth.

4. I think I'm usually a good listening ear. Unless it has to do with someone lying to you. Don't EVER come to me for advice about that. Leanna knows what I'm talking about. Unless you want me following the suspected liar around with a telephoto lens, you should probably go to someone else for that kind of problem. Otherwise, I'm here for you.

5. I would be willing to buckle my kids into their car seats and follow your cheating man around with that telephoto lens. I'm a giver. This one time I had a GREAT idea for a business. I had been watching The Devil Show (Oprah) and she had these people on who run a website specifically for married people who want to cheat. It's like Match.com except it's DirtyFilthyCheatingPigs.com, or something like that. It's a dating service for married people who are just looking for that innocent fling with no strings attached. None of that pesky love stuff to interfere with their fun. I got a little fired up. I decided that I would make a profile on that sight and lure married guys into a date. Then I would sit in the parking lot of the prearranged meeting spot and take pictures of them with that telephoto lens. Then I would send their wives pictures and copies of their emails. There was no actual financial benefit, so technically it would be a non-profit business, but, again, I'm a giver. I encountered two problems: I don't own a telephoto lens and Chris FREAKED out on me and said NO WAY, CRAZY PANTS, I WILL NEVER EVER ALLOW YOU TO DO THAT. Then I asked him if he didn't want me to do it because he was afraid I might find out about something that he didn't want me to know about. He totally didn't see that one coming.

6. I'm pretty smart. IQ wise, not always common sense wise.

7. I like that I can type. It's a nice skill to have, even if your keyboard doesn't work.

8. I like that it's not terribly hard for me to lose weight. Physically it's not hard, commitment to do it is the real hold up.

9. I like that I got curly hair. Finally. I have hated it many times and for all of my childhood, but now I like it.

10. I'm a great driver. It's true. I know to brake before a curve and accelerate into the curve. I'm a good merger and a very gradual stopper and starter.