The Wonderful World of Bergopedia

Here are some handy definitions of words and phrases (I just totally spelled that frases and had to stare at it till the proper spelling broke through my brain cloud) commonly used in my home and potentially in my blog, but probably unused any where else in the known universe.



BALONEY FOOT IS ALL HEART- This is used to describe someone crying that you wouldn't expect to be crying, not so much the always cry person, more the big burly guy getting sensitive on you. It's a line from "The State", and MTV is VERY on top of deleting any YouTube videos that get out from that long ago cancelled show. It was a skit of a kid with a foot that was a big Bologna sandwich and his soccer coach is yelling at the other kids for calling him names. Names like, foot made of bologna, and lunch meat foot and penis face. He tells the kids that if they had half the heart that bologna foot has they'd be all state by now.





SUCH AS, THEREFORE, THE IRAQ - Just a quote from that beauty pageant contestent that answered her question in a rambling crazy way. Her question was something like "Why can't a fifth of Americans find the US on the map? " Her answer was, "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.” We like to use it to sound real smart.




OMGsh, ROOTBEER!!! - This one is VERY special to me, and I forget that other people don't know what it means, because it's been in our lives for years. See, I knew this gal who was a young married woman and she wasn't happy in her marriage and she was telling me about why she was unhappy with her husband and it went a little something like this:


I just think I'd be happier with someone else. I don't get him at all. He talks during sex. I hate that. I think I'm in love with my boss. I TOTALLY get him. We have SO much in common. We both like country music, our favorite color is green, we EVEN HAVE THE SAME FAVORITE SODA, AND ITS ROOTBEER!



I swear I am not making this up. She said those words. With a straight face. And meant every one of those words with all her freaking heart. It was one of those things where time stands still and you know right then that you'll never forget the words you just heard. It was life changing for me and I'll never forget how hard it was to keep a straight face. I hadn't known until that moment how completely retarded that girl was. You'll be relieved to know that her and the sex talker stayed married and have at least five children together. I don't know if they ever resolved their differences in soft drink preferences. Let's hope so, for the sake of the children.


This is how ROOTBEER came to be synonymous with "same same" and "matchey matchey". Though ROOTBEER is generally used in a romantic context, such as therefore, when Chris and I use the same movie quote at the same time. That's like, totally ROOTBEER.



Roy - Used in reference to anyone (ummm, maybe sometimes one of my sisters) who snaps from happy happy to RAGE ANGRY. Might be used like "Geez, Roy, settle down". See, in the movie "Primal Fear" Ed Norton's character snaps back and forth between this normal quiet guy and an alter ego named Roy who's a psycho angry mean guy.





Thyroid Battle Royale - All the family was camping together in 2004 and there was this HUGE brawl around the campfire one morning between Beck, Jenny, and myself, and kind of Dad, as he stepped in and started yelling at us to knock it off. It was BAD. My husband and baby were crying, huddled, holding each other. Chris says it was like a snake pit in there, you know cause after awhile the snakes turn on each other. I think I stayed in my car the rest of the day and refused to come out. U-G-L-Y fight. We later found out that our family has low thyroid issues, and that can make you crazy mean. Now it is lovingly referred to as Thyroid Royale and reminds us that we are better in twos or maybe threes but never all four of us, unless it's for a limited time. Like a three day weekend.



So Fashion - Just a KaiKai quote, she was talking about someone who dressed very stylishly and she said they were So Fashion. So if one of us looks good we say they are So Fashion.




I can't wait for Christmas aka red shoes aka shiny penny - My mom asked Kai where she thought some pictures should go in some frame. After looking at the frame for a sec, Kai said I can't wait for Christmas" and skipped away. It was like, July or something. Very random. When Chris realizes that he was spacing and didn't hear a word you just said he says "red shoes" as an answer. I have no idea what that's about. And shiny penny just means someone who can't focus at all. They have shiny penny syndrome and can be distracted by anything, such as therefore, a shiny penny.




What is she, a J? - Ooooh, this is a good one. The dad of our drunk friend is also a drunk and he is a racist and is always saying crazy stuff. One night he was at their house and they had a friend over who is of Asian heritage. They were all sitting around watching the Civil War Duck/Beaver football game when the camera zoomed in on an Asian band member. The racist father says "get that #@$% (derogatory word for Asian that rhymes with 'link') of the TV". Everybody in the house went dead silent and of course looked at the Dad, then the Asian, then the Dad. The Dad finally figured out what he had done and fumbled out some excuse about having to go home and left. After the Asian gal told the mortified daughter for the 100th time that it was okay the phone rings, it's drunk Dad and he has some questions.





Hey, what is she anyway?





What do you mean, Dad?





You know, what is her nationality?





DAD, they are still here, I can't really answer you right now.





C'mon just say the letter?!





What do you mean?





You know, is she a C for chinese? What is she?!





SHE'S A J, DAD, SHE'S A J, OK!





What the $#%@ is a J?





I can't answer you right now Dad.





Okay, what does it rhyme with?





Go to bed Dad.





J? There is no J, this is bull#@$% just tell me what it is.





I am hanging up now Dad.








After mortified daughter hangs up ( and the entire house heard the whole one sided conversation ) her husband asked what Dad wanted.





Oh, he was just asking if we have seen his keys.



This is a completely true story. COMPLETELY.





I love that story. I love saying What is she anyway? That man is SO awesome in such an awful train wreck that you can't look away from kind of way.